Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Today as I was spending time with the Lord, I was perfectly fine wallowing in my pity party.  I do not like what I am having to go through with my mom.  I really don't want to share it with people.  I want to save her dignity as much as possible.  But in keeping it in, I feel alienated.  This road I am walking is teaching me many things.  The main point is learning dependence on Him.  Trusting Him.  Letting go of control.  Walking into the future, now knowing what but knowing Who.

Knowing that a pity party is not where I needed to spend my energy today, the Lord brought to mind the story of Mary as she poured the jar of oil on the Lord.  My friend Elisabeth shared about this much more eloquently than I would.  Check her out at servantgirlsheart.blogspot.com  Anyway, I was walking and praying and crying.  I was thinking about Mary, how alone she must have felt as people mocked her, despised her, ridiculed her decision of worship.  Jesus knew how she felt.  He heard the people.  And he came to her rescue.  He came to her rescue.  Then this song flooded my soul:

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are
And how great your affections are for me

O, How He loves us
O, how He loves us
How He loves us oh

We are His portion
He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
Then heaven touches earth like an unforseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside my chest
And I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about

O, How he loves us
O, How he loves us
How He loves us

And suddenly, I am at peace.  My father is jealous for me.

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