I feel most alone when in a big crowd.
It's true. I think the fact is, I am lonely, but when I am by myself or with my family, I don't know it. But when in a large crowd, it is glaringly clear.
I think that over the years of pastors wiving (is that a word?) I have been burned by most of the relationships that I bothered to cultivate. In the church. Those outside, they thrived. Weird, isn't it. How the one place I should feel safe and belonged is the one place I am most wary of making relationships. And it is the place that dominates my life. The church is our life. And I love it. Yet I feel alone.