Thursday, March 25, 2010

Cancer.  The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.  I do not understand the hos and whys of it.   I am really struggling right now.  Here are my honest, raw thoughts.  Warning, if you have this perfect picture of a pastor's wife in your mind right now, how she would respond, you may not want to read the rest of this post.  I don't want to hear how you had cancer 21 years ago, and look at you know.  I don't want to hear how you prayed a double anointing over someone and their tumor disappeared.  I don't want you to ask how I am doing, or how my mom is doing.  She has cancer, she has Alzheimer's.  She is not doing well.  She dissolves into an anxious, tearful person often.  This is not my mom.  I am an only child, with one parent left on this earth.  I am not doing well.  I dissolved into an anxious, tearful person daily.  Honestly, I don't want anyone to assume I am trusting God with the outcome of this.  I am a realist.  I know that realistically, my mom's days on this earth are few.  My dad had a year.  I don't want anyone to offer to meet me to pray.  I am just not there yet. 

I know that God is sovereign.  I know that He is not surprised by this stuff going on right now.  I know that he has my mom and I in the palm of His hand.  I know all of this.  I will come around to everything above.  Right now, I am angry, I am scared, I can't see or fathom how any of this will work out for our good.  But deep down I know that He is Lord.  I have that foundation that He is my rock, my fortress, my shield.  I just need to find my way to where I can believe it and claim it.


  1. Alyson-I wish I had some great, inspirational words for you on this. Honestly, I don't. This is down right horrible. I have been there (Alzheimer's and Parkinson's) it is emotionally draining for everyone involved. Once again, truly sorry that you have to go through this. When you are ready, I am here to listen if you need it.

  2. Alyson,

    I am so sorry! I love you!


    what a miracle i never believe there is cure because my doctor tested me cancer positive and she told me there is no cure, i’m very happy today that i’m having a free life without this CANCER diseases, i can remember some months ago when i was crying all through the night and day that i can’t get cured from this CANCER, i found this herbal man called Dr adazal on internet when i was doing research on cure for shingle i contacted him to found out if i can get help from this cancer diseases, i was so surprise when he told me that he have the herbs cure to it and he sent me the herbal in less down 5 days i was so happy when i get someone giving me hope that he can cured me i took the herbal for just 2 weeks, when i went for test after taking the herbal i found out that i am cured i was so happy and surprise, i want to use this opportunity to inform you that there is cured to cancer diseases you can also contact him for his help as soon as possible so that you can get rid of this cancer once and for all you can reach him through this email: dr, or whatsApp him on +2348073688335 You can also contact him on any disease and virus in this he all have the herbal cure to it.
    1 HIV/AIDS
    2 HERPES
    3 CANCER
    4 ALS
    THANKS TO DR adazal FOE THE GOOD WORK IN LIFE YOU ARE TRULY A BLESS.  you can visti his fb page  And Adazal   Website